I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
