was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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