i already hear my dad disowning me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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