Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
