thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
