If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
