theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
