If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
