some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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