New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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