OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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