Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
