So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
