Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
