His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
