i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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