when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
