i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
