he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
