I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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