I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
