why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
