My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
