She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
