so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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