Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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