just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
