Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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