Can i not drive my cunt home
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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