Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
