New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
