I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
