You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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