My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
