Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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