you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
