why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
