So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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