first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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