you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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