my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
