I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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