come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
