dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
