Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
