mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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