So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
