Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
