She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
one two three fourrrrnication!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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