you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
