My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
