Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
