At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
