so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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