i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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