handjob tips. give me some.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
