You surviving the open bar?
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He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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