he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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