dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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