I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
