Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
