What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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