the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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