I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
