1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
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At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?