He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?