That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting