Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
