Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.