I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
